Wildflowers
by PercySnail
Summary: My first probably lame attempt...short and hopefully not too bad.


Charles looked in the mirror; straightened his lapel and smoothed down the errant curl that had fallen out of his well-coifed hair. Sighing deeply, he turned around and gathered the wildflowers he had picked on his morning walk. Tying a small ribbon around them, he laughed softly to himself over how ridiculous he felt. Nervous; him? He was just going to see the same woman he had visited every night with for the last 26 years. Still though, this day; this day was going to be different. He braced himself, opened the door, and headed towards her cottage.

It had been two weeks to the day since he had retired. Leaving Downton had been something he had fought in his own mind for a very long time. Eventually though, the idea of living simply and not worrying all the time had started to appeal to him. When he discussed it with her, and she told him that she too, thought it might be time for her to leave Downton as well; he made the decision. She wanted to have time to see the family she had left while she could still travel. She was ready too. The war and its ending had changed them all; changed what they valued and what they held so dear. Mr. Bates' trial and the result had only disillusioned them both further. No longer did order and rule seem the most important part of their life.

He had announced his retirement first; she followed suit shortly after. Of course, Lord Grantham had been more than generous. Both of them had received fully furnished, beautiful cottages to retire in to. A small party, full of staff and family had been held for them. There'd been dancing and goodbyes. There'd been tears. And then they had left, and gone to their new homes, and that, he thought was going to be that.

He thought they could continue on as friends. Seeing each other occasionally. She, talking like she always did to him. He, talking like he always did as well; but hiding the love he felt for her. Just like he always did. He knew how he felt; how he'd felt for almost all of the last 26 years. But Charles didn't want to impose on her. Better to be silent, continue on as they had been all this time. At least he'd have her friendship. And really, that's all he needed; he thought. He couldn't risk it for something he knew she didn't feel.

It was less than a week after his retirement that Charles knew he couldn't stay silent; couldn't hold back anymore. He had found an excuse every day that week to see her. Bringing her over food from the kitchen to save her the trip; stopping over with some linens that she had sent to be laundered and he had quickly offered to drop off when he had picked up his own. He knew she loved her routine as much as he did, and would continue walking in to the village on Wednesday afternoons to run her errands. Of course Charles found himself needing to walk in to the village on Wednesday too. To be by her side again felt like home to him. He knew the whole time it was all just excuses; excuses to see her and be close to her again. He had known he loved her all this time; that was his burden to bear; what he hadn't realized was how much he needed her mere presence in his life until he no longer had it there every day.

So he'd made the decision. Charles had to tell her. It was selfish, he told himself, but he had to tell her so that it was out there; and she knew. He knew that she didn't feel the same. He had just reached the point that he didn't care. Charles had to declare to Elsie Hughes that his every thought since retirement had been how much he had missed her, and how deeply he had loved her all this time. He'd spent the next week building up his nerve (and making excuses to see her as much as he could).

He approached her cottage. Looking down, he saw his hands trembling. He scoffed to himself. He, Charles Carson, who could serve actual royalty without a flight of nerves, couldn't even hold a bouquet of wildflowers.

Charles knocked. The door opened and there she was. She looked as she did everyday; she looked remarkable to him.

"Mr. Carson! Well I wasn't expecting company today; except Anna to drop off some extra mending later. Please come in. Sorry for the mess…I do apologize."

Of course there was no mess. Everything was tidy and put away and exactly as Elsie Hughes would have it.

"Els – Mrs. Hughes. I was walking and thought I'd stop in and see you." Even his voice was shaky. Get a hold of yourself Charles, he chided himself. "Please take these. I saw them and thought you should have some flowers for your cottage. "

Elsie looked a bit perplexed. It was very out of his character for Mr. Carson to be bringing her flowers; and he knew that she knew that. Smiling though, she laid them on her small table and went to fetch a vase. In the kitchen she called out to him.

"Mr. Carson, would you like to stay for tea? I was just going to make some for myself and I still find myself making enough for two. Old habits, I suppose."

"I'd love to," he replied as she bustled about the small room.

Sitting down, he took a deep breath and waited. His heart was racing. He couldn't hold out much longer; if he didn't tell her now he was surely going to explode. He took another deep breath. He started to speak.

"Mrs. Hughes, to tell you the truth, I wasn't just walking by. I needed to talk to you, today." Charles realized how odd he sounded; his voice pinched.

"Oh? Is everything all right, Mr. Carson? To tell you the truth as well, I have missed catching up with you in the evenings; I feel like I hardly know what you're doing anymore now that we so rarely see each other." Elsie looked over, all the while preparing the tea for both of them. She smiled at him, shyly biting her lip as she turned back to her kettle.

Oh that lip. That simple bite on her lip. How he'd missed that. He had to say it. This was it. This was the moment he had been waiting for all this time. Staying silent was not an option, not for him. Not anymore. He needed to say this. "Elsie, do you find retirement lonely? As lonely as I do then? " He didn't wait for an answer.

"I thought I would miss work. I thought I would miss the family, and the pace of that life." His voice caught. "That's not what I miss Elsie." He closed his eyes as he said the next words.

"I miss talking to you every night. I miss telling you of my day and of you telling me of yours." The words were starting to spill out of him now, at an alarming rate. "Elsie Hughes, I must tell you the truth. I…I…"

He couldn't do it. She was going to laugh at him and he'd never talk to her again. And then what would he have? No Downton, no Elsie? He would have nothing. He couldn't do this.

He had to do this. He opened his eyes again and saw her looking at him.

"Mr. Carson? What is it Mr. Carson?" Elsie now just looked concerned, and confused.

Charles took a deep breath in, then let it out in a rush before he continued. He stood. If his only heart would stop beating so fast, perhaps this would be easier to say.

There she was again, looking at him so anxiously. He had to say this. His mind cleared and he blurted out:

"The truth is Elsie Hughes – I love you. I have loved you almost the whole time I've known you. I love you today, and I will love you for the rest of my life. I know you don't feel the same, but I had to tell you. I have missed you so much, and – "

He was cut off by the impact of Elsie Hughes flying at him as fast as she could. With a gasp, he found himself holding her. Charles could barely fathom this turn of events.

His arms went around her slowly. He could feel her breathe in and out. She started to speak and he felt as though he may faint.

"Mr. Carson…Charles. I must confess too. I have missed you every moment since we left. I feel as though I lost my very best friend," Elsie said slowly to him. She looked away and he could see her eyes blink back tears.

What was she saying? What did this mean? Charles looked down at her. "Elsie, what are you saying?"

"Charles, I have loved you for the last 26 years. I love you today still, and I will love you until I draw my last breath. I didn't tell you, because I didn't want to lose what I thought I had; your friendship and respect. I feel as though I have just barely survived through these last two weeks without you."

Charles could feel his heartbeat in his chest wildly. Surely this was a dream. Elsie Hughes, loved him back? She did though. He could see her and feel her in his arms. She loved him. He loved her. No one could ever possibly be this blessed, he thought to himself.

Smiling now, he bent down and kissed her softly. He felt her respond to him immediately; the kiss grew stronger and he deepened it; trying to put 26 years of love into this one first kiss. They stayed tangled in their embrace, kissing and holding each other in the middle of her kitchen until he led her over to her settee. Sitting down, he drew her close to him and sighed into her hair.

"Elsie, I cannot leave now and go back to the way it was. Knowing now, that you love me as I love you – I cannot. I don't want to go there, while you're here. Marry me Elsie Hughes, please marry me? We've wasted all this time. I want to spend the time we have left together." His words, blurted out, seemed irrational to him, but after 26 years, he wanted to waste no more time.

"Of course. Of course I will marry you, Charles Carson. I would marry you today, if we could." Elsie smiled "You know, we'll fight like cats and dogs some days, but I have even missed that."

Charles drew her in again, for another kiss. "I love you," he whispered as their lips met.

A month later, they were married. The same people who had attended their retirement were there to witness their small ceremony. Everyone smiled knowingly at each other; it seemed everyone had known. Everyone but them.


End file.
